tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74850279074149532972024-03-08T05:43:43.022-08:00Jennifer's SpotJenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-58421541612520314922014-04-06T15:42:00.002-07:002014-04-06T15:43:17.280-07:00In Re: Straight Man plays Transwoman<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-size: large;">Since apparently every trans person in required to have an opinion, and there is also apparently only one correct one, a couple of things to say. In "Dallas Buyers Club," Jared Leto plays a transwoman in the movie. This is "wrong," I'm told, for many reasons.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-size: large;">Honestly, I don't care. No, really. For many reasons! One, I don't know how the role evolved, what the intent of the producers was, or the actor. Two, no t<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">ranperson even tried out for the part, so what, they should have been required to go out and find one? Three, the incessant lecturing of the transadvocacy people, rather than conversations, doesn't do any good. Four, who plays what does nothing to my own sense of myself. What, "oh no, a guy played someone somewhat like me, I'm worth less than I thought," am I supposed to think that? That seems to be one of the points being made, on behalf of the "trans community," which always wants to speak for me.</span></span></div>
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Well, no. And getting myself worked into a lather over it is a waste of my time. I have far, far better things to do with it. I've said it many times, but I'm a parent, a volunteer, I'm a good employee, I help people lose weight in my own small part, keep score for numerous high school contests, and lots of other things. Trans comes far down on that list. Oh yes, it's part of who I am, but it's not something I'm proud of; it just is. I hope my just being me, and interacting with people daily, can show people what a transperson is. I think it's a much better way to do so than lecturing about why someone getting a movie role is unfair.</div>
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This is an unpopular stance. I'm *supposed* to be upset about it. But I'm not. And when this blows over, there will be another thing I'm supposed to be angry and upset and organizing petitions for. Sorry, I'm done with it. Transadvocacy has taken it's turn towards lecture, be angry, declaring any out-of-step thought as phobia, bigotry, and discrimination, and generally a lot of shouting. I'm out. I'll be over here, living my life (which was what it was all about, being able to live my life without hating myself), and hopefully being a good example. And having a far better time doing it, I suspect.</div>
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Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-9649742269470867402014-01-20T23:28:00.001-08:002014-01-20T23:41:57.252-08:00Perception and Anger<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Reference <a href="http://lizdaybyday.wordpress.com/2014/01/21/i-hit-a-nerve-didnt-i/">Liz's blog</a> again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's pretty sad when someone has only their anger to sustain them. Did I not say, in my previous post, that Kosilek has won the case, and the appeal? Therefore Kosilek gets the surgery?</span><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If it is medically necessary, in Kosilek's case, by this decision and it's appeal, then Kosilek legally has the right to receive it. </span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Why yes, I did. But faux moral outrage (there's that phrase again, funny how that keeps coming up) tends to blind a person to what's actually being said, and only hear what they want to hear.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's about perception, Liz. Nothing more, nothing less. Legal is one thing, public opinion is another. It would seem, despite your insistence that my aim is to dismantle the Constitution and throw the United States back into the dark ages (uh oh, that sounds like outrage), that I did indeed agree with you. See above, and the previous post that I quoted. I haven't said it is illegal, at all. Rather, it's about perception.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Lets look at a few things that are legal, shall we?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">One, the previously mentioned O.J. Simpson case. He did not commit murder, legally. Has that mattered since the day he was found not guilty? Not a bit. He was outcast, regardless of that verdict. No one cared that he was not guilty. It was the perception of what occurred that mattered.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Two, the Affordable Care Act. Entirely legal, since it was passed by Congress and affirmed by the Supreme Court. Nevertheless, the last poll I looked at, 59% of those polled said its a "bad law," by the poll's question. Again, it's legal. That doesn't matter to a majority of the country, plus or minus 3 percentage points, certainly. Their perception of the law is that it's bad, in spite of everything that's being said for it's good. My opinion on it doesn't matter here, either, it's how it is being seen.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Three, NSA data gathering. Legal again. Affirmed by many challenges and rulings. Yet it seems to have ticked off numerous other countries around the world, and not a few citizens of the U.S., as well. But it's legal! That didn't stop Mr. Snowden, though; he's hailed as bringing to light quite an outrageous chain of events by many. Is the law all that matters here, too? Or is the public perception here to be dismissed?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Perception. It can make things far more miserable for someone, or a group, than having the law on one's side.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">None of what I say, of course, matters. You want to be angry. You are angry at the world, angry at anyone who disagrees with you and your moral position. I'm sure you'll tell me that I'm fake, "faux," and have internalized transphobia again or something, so you can feel smug and superior. You'll rail at me, or someone else who doesn't accept you and your positions absolutely, no doubt publicly, and think you've scored points. But you'll still be angry. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Anger is an awfully consuming emotion. It's sad to see someone so driven by it, and unable to let it go. There's a whole world out there, just waiting to have you. But you'll choose the insular world where everyone you keep handy agrees with you, and you can be angry with everything that's outside it, I have no doubt. And everyone outside moves further and further away, until there's only you, all alone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Go ahead, be angry with me for saying that. You can even have the last, triumphant, vitriolic word over at your place. Because I'm moving away, too. One less person to rail against. You win! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Or have you, really?</span><br />
Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-86568086319717348122014-01-20T17:19:00.001-08:002014-01-20T17:32:19.227-08:00A Shrill Transsexual Harpy Responds<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Someone's had some things to say about and to me, after misrepresenting things that I have said, and has decided to take it personal on her own blog, which can be found at <a href="http://lizdaybyday.wordpress.com/author/lizelth/">this location</a>. My response to her follows. LizMarie's blog will be quoted in blue below.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">A<a href="http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/01/17/court-affirms-mass-murderer-right-to-get-sex-change-in-prison/?intcmp=latestnews"> federal judge upheld the right of a transgender inmate to receive gender confirmation surgery at the expense of the state</a>. As usual, a particular crowd of transgender voices arise at this “outrage”, about how the “community” brings “shame” upon ourselves because some of us supported this decision. Since I cannot post my unfettered thoughts elsewhere, where these harpies gather like shrill ravens shouting down anyone who disagrees with them, I’ll post my thoughts here. What follows is what I would have addressed to these irrational, illogical, constitutional defying shrill voices of faux moral outrage had I been allowed to say it where it should have been said.</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Well, right off the bat, I seem to have hit a nerve. Name calling right at the beginning of a long diatribe never bodes well. Let's review my position, before we go any further, for those new to the discussion. One Michelle Kosilek, convicted of murdering their own spouse, has sued the state of Massachusetts, as an inmate sentenced to life without parole, to have state-funded sex reassignment surgery. The suit was successful, and reaffirmed on appeal. I have taken no position on whether this is medically necessary or not, I haven't the slightest idea about Kosilek's medical history. Rather, I have asked if this is really what the Transgender Community ("the Community," from now on) wants to support, as many of them are, as a means to getting this covered by health insurance and government-funded insurance. I think that's a bad idea, since backing a convicted killer, whether their case has merit or not, does not, in my opinion, project a very good image of the Community, and gives the impression that whatever it takes to get what we want, we'll do, including building off of the tragedy of someone being dead to put this person in prison in the first place, to enable the lawsuit. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.5em;">Some of you seem to hold the notion
that prison should be cruel and unusual punishment, despite a clear
constitutional prohibition against the same.</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.5em;">Some of you seem to want to pick and choose what the government is allowed to call “medically necessary”.</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.5em;">Some of you seem to want to deny that the AMA and APA have stated that GCS can be “medically necessary” in specific cases.</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.5em;">Some of you seem to want to deny the
long standing legal finding that anyone in prison is thus a ward of the
state and the state is therefore mandatorily obligated to provide
“medically necessary” health care, </span><b style="line-height: 1.5em;"><i>because the state has removed the opportunity for the individual to do so themselves</i></b><span style="line-height: 1.5em;">.</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.5em;">Given the above, the decision of the judge follows in clear black and white logic.</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b style="line-height: 1.5em;"><i>Some of you</i></b><span style="line-height: 1.5em;"> seem
to not give a damn about the US constitution, two hundred years of
legal precedents, the advancement of modern medicine, and the formal
recognition by the scientific community that being transgender is a
medical condition.</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I haven't, but that won't stop you. I've specifically avoided saying anything about whether or not this person should receive any such service. I agree that it's a medical condition. I don't know how I couldn't, given my own history. Nor have I said anything about the legalities, due process, precedents, or the Constitution. Precedents do certainly seem to be on your mind, though.</span><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.5em;">Here’s a hint – if GCS is medically </span><b style="line-height: 1.5em;"><i>optional</i></b><span style="line-height: 1.5em;"> for this prisoner, it is medically </span><b style="line-height: 1.5em;"><i>optional</i></b><span style="line-height: 1.5em;"> for
every single one of you too. If it is medically optional for this
prisoner, and not covered, then it should legally not be covered for you
either.</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Actually, since I'm not an inmate of a correctional facility, the case is quite irrelevant to me, since whether and service for SRS for me is between me, my doctors, and my medical insurance provider, and what their policy states. It's legal for them to either cover, or not cover, the procedure, and for, in my case, my employer, as the owner of the policy, to decide whether or not it is included in the policy they are buying. I'm just glad that it was covered. Again, nowhere have I said whether it's necessary or optional, but that just gets in the way of a good rant, doesn't it?</span><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.5em;">I don’t care of you like or dislike this human being. I certainly don’t. I think what </span><b style="line-height: 1.5em;"><i>she</i></b><span style="line-height: 1.5em;"> did was reprehensible. But you cannot play the selective game with </span><b style="line-height: 1.5em;"><i>medically necessary</i></b><span style="line-height: 1.5em;"> treatment without also establishing legal precedent that it is therefore selective for everyone else, </span><b style="line-height: 1.5em;"><i> including you</i></b><span style="line-height: 1.5em;">.</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I hadn't commented on this before, but I will now. No, Liz, it has nothing to do with whether insurance covers me, or you. It is only about whether an inmate in a prison in the state of Massachusetts can receive a medical procedure and have it paid for by the state. This is what you fail to see. You seem to think that this will set a precedent for every other possible case. How? One, it involves state funds, in one state. This will do nothing to affect anyone covered by private insurance. Two, it is for a ward of the state, under the care of the state. Again, that does not affect those that are not wards of the state. This is a very narrow decision, that would have to be stretched two different ways, to private insurance, to the general public, in order for this to affect people outside this narrow window.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Is it medically necessary for this person to receive this procedure? I don't know; I said before that I don't know Kosilek's history. And that's the thing. Nor do you, unless you are somehow privy to their medical case history. I said before, I do agree that it's a medical condition. If it is medically necessary, in Kosilek's case, by this decision and it's appeal, then Kosilek legally has the right to receive it. You certainly want it to be.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.5em;">There is a word for the short-sighted thinking you present and that word is <i><b>hypocrisy</b></i>. I
would suggest you reconsider the legal and logical ramifications of
your short sighted position, but I know better than that. That’s simply
impossible for those motivated by such hypocrisy. Your quasi-moral
outrage appears to be more important to you than consistency of legal
application of the law in light of the AMA’s position on transsexual
surgical health care. Your faux moral outrage defies facts and logic
before the law but you’d rather “feel good” about your faux moral
outrage than have consistent and fair legal precedents.</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am hardly hypocritical in my stance in regard to Community support for convicted murderers. My opinion on that has not changed since day one of the Kosilek case. Short sighted? Actually, no, I'm looking quite a bit further down the line. I'm looking at what this can do to others' opinions of the Community. What it can do to support of the Community, when they see a Community backing a convicted killer's case, legal or not, just on the small hope that it might get them something, too. Hypocrisy? Hardly. You don't care how this looks. Your moral outrage here, is it because of people not supporting a legal decision? Just off the top of my head, I recall the criminal case of O.J. Simpson. That was a legally rendered verdict of not guilty. Did you have an opinion there? Was it, like it or not, that this is what was legally decided, therefore it must be? What you have failed to see, time and again, is how supporting a convicted killer appears to the rest of the general public. You don't care that it might just come back to bite you; this could erode support for your trans brothers and sisters, all so you can get your own piece of the action. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I've actually listened to people about this, Liz. People being who they are, and assuming since you're trans, you must have an opinion about every trans subject, were bringing it up with me at my favorite local eating establishment, back when the first decision was made, before the appeal, and it was appearing on news pages all over the web. They honestly couldn't figure out how people were behind this person. "How could people like you want that person to get that?" was actually asked of me, by one. Basically the same question, in nicer terms, was put to me several times. How should I have answered, Liz? They obviously already have an opinion of the Community. They have an opinion of the Community position on it. People think it is abhorrent to support a murderer. There is no positive spin to it, in the general public's eye. That won't stop you, though. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And yes, a Community can choose whom or what they will support. Yes, it's legal. I do not dispute that, nor have I previously. Just because it's legal doesn't mean they have to appear to support the person behind the case. Referring back to Mr. Simpson, he was legally found not guilty, but didn't seem to get much support after that. Why is that? Could it be that, despite being found not being guilty, no one wanted to be associated with a person that was morally reprehensible? Was that fair? Yet here we have another person that is morally reprehensible, you've said so yourself. Yet you are willing to set that aside, and would have the community set that aside, so that you can have that chance of stretching a legal ruling about a prisoner and state-funded medical coverage to somehow legally include everyone. I am not, because it does no one any favors when trying to convince people that yes, indeed, this is something that should be seen as medical. All this does is irritate people and bring into question what the Community is thinking.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;">And yet some of you wonder why we have so much trouble getting
insurance coverage for GCS for the rest of us? Go look in the mirror. <b><i>You</i></b> are why so many of us have such trouble. <i><b>YOU</b></i><b> </b> are the problem! <i><b>You</b></i>! Because as soon as you argue that this procedure is not medically necessary for Michelle Kosilek, <i><b>you</b></i><b> </b>have
argued that it is not medically necessary for you either. If you, as a
layman, call into question the diagnosis of medical professionals in one
case, you have created the legal basis for a layman to question that
diagnosis in every other case.</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Exactly. You wonder why it's so hard for people to get coverage for SRS. It's my fault. Mmm-hmm. But wait a minute, I haven't questioned the diagnosis, because I don't know how that was made, I've already said that. Perhaps you might want to look in that mirror. It's all about getting that coverage, isn't it? Back the person, then. Tell people how the chain of events that started with someone killing their spouse, is going to help you get coverage now, too! See how much support you get from them, for your GCS coverage. If you, and the Community, are willing to use this example, this very one here, as the reason everyone should have coverage, then I believe it is you and the Community that are the ones making it more difficult for everyone else. I'm not having a problem looking into that mirror. How is it when you look in it?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There is no such thing as a "legal basis" for such a diagnosis, despite your argument here. A medical diagnosis is made by a medical doctor, no one else. That diagnosis may be entered as evidence in a legal case. A judge decides the legality.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So the next time a trans brother or sister wonders aloud why getting
coverage for GCS is such a legal mess, please have the courage to stand
up and say, “Me! Me! I’m the one who screwed you over, for my faux moral
outrage! You’re welcome!” But I’ll bet not one of you has the guts to
stand up and take responsibility for what you represent. Not one.</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm already standing up, LizMarie. I am quite comfortable with myself, and what I see from others tells me what they think of your position. Faux moral outrage, indeed. I seem to detect a large amount of that, rising from your blog. Your motives are quite clear. Spin the spin machine, never mind what this person has done, and get yourself what you want.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But please, keep calling me names, if it makes you feel better. I won't be the one whose still stomping up and down, desperately trying to get people's attention, and not understanding why they keep moving farther and farther away. Perhaps it's all of that moral outrage that's hitting them in the face.</span><br />
<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-56345088799958547552013-09-23T16:21:00.002-07:002013-09-23T16:22:05.190-07:00Homecoming QueenThere's a new homecoming queen in California. She's 16, she's outgoing and gregarious. Oh, and she's transgendered. This has been made to be quite an achievement, and in some ways, it is. Now, I'm not going to mention her name or show her picture, for reasons that should be clear in a moment. Besides, this is the Internet, you can find those things easily enough.<br />
<br />
This is a fairly unique occasion, a transgendered girl being elected homecoming queen. (I'm going to call her "the queen" here in this post, because I don't want to use her name.) I can find only one other that has been elected, while doing a fairly cursory search. And it's quite a celebration for "the cause." The cause, you say? Transgender acceptance, tolerance, all those things. As you may have guessed, I'm about to take issue with that.<br />
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Here's a 16 year old girl, with a rather uncommon problem that she's dealing with. One that is well known, though, in general. For whatever reason, she's nominated for homecoming queen, and she goes ahead with it. Lots of girls would, it would be quite something to be elected homecoming queen. So we're not so far out of the ordinary yet.<br />
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And then she wins! Congratulations, sincerely, to her. Only one is chosen each year at a school, so this is something special. This is great. Until...<br />
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Someone, somewhere in her life decided that this was a great thing to share with the world. The news media got wind of it, through someone contacting them, or through the grapevine. The school, even if they didn't contact the media, had no trouble welcoming them to the school and interviewing the queen. The queen obliged, too; wouldn't you like all the attention? I'd probably be happy and want to share how I felt about it, too. She was happy to be an example, how she did this for so many others around the nation. Another student said how they thought it was cool that they <b>allowed</b> (emphasis mine) her to run, and that it's a really good thing. Hmm.<br />
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So we have this girl, elected queen, and how fantastic it is that these people were so cool to allow such a thing. Um, OK. Then the story was picked up. It made the news. It was carried to the national news. Transgender activists and bloggers hailed this as progress, articles were published about the great stride that this was. It made... the Internet.<br />
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You can see where we're headed now, can't you? What happens to virtually every news story on the Internet? Oh, the comments section! I'm not a fan of the comments section, and try to stay away from them, because it could be a story about really cute puppies and the comments would degenerate into political mudslinging and insults and "Oh yeah??" one-upsmanship. Turning loose the Internet Comment Brigade on this girl, well, you can imagine what followed. I'm not about to excuse these people, they're reprehensible, nasty people, who need to hide behind anonymity to express vile opinions and try to hurt people. I have no respect for them. That being said...<br />
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Not getting nearly as much coverage now is her reaction to these comments, and the other things she has received via mail, email, and text messages. Oh, the stories are out there, but not as many. There's a tearful YouTube video that the queen posted, in which she talks about how she's always judged, wonders if it's worth it, if she should just go back to being a boy and miserable, so people will leave her alone. This is not what the article writers and news want to report, though. This won't get the coverage, I'm guessing, that the "great stride" did.<br />
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So what are the motives here? Was there a reason a 16 year old girl was put in an extremely bright spotlight, by people who essentially had nothing to lose? Yes, there were. "The cause" is one of them. There must be progress! See how our acceptance has grown! The school wanted to show how really keen and groovy they were, it seems, to the world, for what they did for the queen. They certainly were more than happy to accommodate the news people being there. The news people definitely would love such a story, anything controversial sells well and generates interest. <br />
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What happens to her? This 16 year old girl, who was treated to a fantastic high point, and pulled down to miserable low almost instantly, where does she go now? She's not even out of high school yet, and her picture, name, and the name of her high school are all over the Internet. It really wouldn't be hard for someone with a real axe to grind to find her now, would it? And she will forever, <i>forever </i>be the Transgendered Homecoming Queen. What about five years from now? Ten? Fifteen? She applies for college, she gets interviewed for a job, she meets someone interesting and that person is also interested. What's becoming more and more common in those situations these days? Putting a person's name into Google and seeing what comes back. And there's the Transgendered Homecoming Queen, with a convenient picture.<br />
<br />
Ratings? The cause? We're really awesome? They all got what they wanted from this girl, those people who had nothing to lose. Who looked out for her? In a week or so, most of the people will have forgotten about the queen, thinking it was a really nice, or what a great story, and that will be that, to them. They don't have to live with it. She does, forever. What are the chances that the queen will ever have a vaguely "normal" life?<br />
<br />
Hail progress.<br />
<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-55858932895630931282011-10-16T16:31:00.000-07:002011-10-16T16:39:27.658-07:00Being Transgendered, the Internet, and You<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <w:dontvertaligncellwithsp/> <w:dontbreakconstrainedforcedtables/> 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mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Hi, I’m bringing the blog back to life today, with some words for those “just starting out” people under the transgender umbrella.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Again, if this doesn’t apply to you, feel free to get together over in the corner and see how many digits of pi you can all calculate with each other by the time I’m finished.</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Now, if my guess is right, you’re looking around on the internet for information and things about how you’re feeling.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Maybe you’re unsure, and these feelings are new to you.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Or perhaps you’ve felt like your gender is wrong for years and years.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">It doesn’t matter; I’ll bet you’re nervous, fearful, uncertain, or maybe all or none of the above.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Only you know for sure how you feel.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">And if you’re not sure how you feel, it’s awfully hard to tell other people how you feel.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Keep that in mind.</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">So what are you going to find on the internet?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Hopefully, this!</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">But other than my own, highly opinionated through my own experience, writings, you’re going to find a lot.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You’ll find everything you need to know about <i style="">how</i> to do whatever you’re interested in.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Do you like to crossdress?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You’ll find all the best ideas on how to achieve whatever look fits however you feel at the moment, regardless of gender.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Or maybe you feel that there’s no other way out than to fix what is wrong with your body through surgery.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Simple enough.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I’ve written a blog about that myself, with how I made it through all of that.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">And there are plenty more things to read about it, from any perspective you can think of.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Perhaps you know you fit somewhere under that big umbrella “transgender,” but you just don’t know where yet.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">That’s OK, too.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Everyone that’s been where you are has felt like this, hard as it is to believe.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I had trouble with that myself, too.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">It turns out that while everyone doesn’t feel <i style="">exactly</i> the same (no one ever can feel the same as you), there are an awful lot of similarities.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">That just can’t be coincidental, can it?</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Which brings me to support.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">The internet is going to give you everything you need on the whats and hows and wheres of what you want: fashion, customs, rules, surgeons, shopping, you name it, it’s there.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">But we all need more than that.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Well, there are support websites, too.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">And this is where you must begin to get wary.</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Over the past year or so, I’ve been following support websites, to see what they have to offer.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I myself never availed myself of a support website during my own transition; we’ll get to why in a bit.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I started by looking at one, and that’s remained my primary focus, but after seeing what goes on at the one, I decided I should look at some more, too.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">What I have found, in my opinion, is appalling.</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Support, at least how I see it, is to help you reach your own decisions about what is right for you.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Now before I get into what I find so ugly about them, let me be clear: <i style="">that support can be found.</i></span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">However, it is not easy, for the reasons I am about to describe.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">On the whole, support websites are populated by people looking to find help.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You will find no lack of it.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">What you’re going to hear, though, is a lot of people telling you to do what is right <i style="">for them.</i></span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">There will be plenty of making themselves sound right, as well.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They will cite their training, who they know, how much they know, and they’ll let you know that you can be part of the crowd, too!</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Just do what we do, and you too can be part of the happy family!</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">It sounds terrific, doesn’t it?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Until you think about it.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;"><i style="">What </i>family?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">These are people, the vast majority of whom know nothing about you, other than what you’ve told them, and they think they know you well enough to call you family?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Let’s face it, you’re words on a screen to them.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They don’t know you, your situation, your fears, your family, your life.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">But they’ll tell you they know what’s best.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You will find people that have become so enamored with this online family that, only three days after a major surgery, while still under a doctor’s care, that they are asking the people on a website if a symptom is normal.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Never mind that most of the people on a support website have not had the surgical procedure they are asking about, and most never will.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Never mind that they are in a hospital, where a nurse is as near as the push of a button.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Never mind that they have the surgeon that performed the procedure checking them daily, if not more often.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They are asking the <i style="">website.</i></span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">And the website <i style="">has answers!</i></span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Not “ask your doctor,” either.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They “know!”</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">How??</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They can’t.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">But they know what they <i style="">want</i> to be correct, and that’s what they will tell you.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Is it actually right?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">How can you know?</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Think about it.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Which would you rather have?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Would you like to be helped to reach your decision, based on what you know, and how you feel, and what you’re able to learn about yourself, and make what you dream a reality, and know that you did it?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Or would you like a bunch of people to tell you what to do?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You’ll find the latter in great supply on the internet.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You’re reading someone’s advice right now.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">There’s more to advice than how it’s taken, though, it also matters in how it’s given.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m not giving you this advice to make up for my own insecurities, which is what I believe you find on most of these websites.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I’ve done plenty of work on myself, with the help of therapists, real live support groups, and myself.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Yes, your own self has to be willing to do the heavy lifting here.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">And I will never, ever be “done,” whatever that means.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I am still to this day figuring out myself, and what’s the best thing for me.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">No, why I’m writing this is that I hope that it will give you something to think about, and that you, the reader, finds some truth in it.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Maybe you will, maybe you won’t; I do hope you do.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I don’t know you, in all likelihood.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I would just like you to perhaps see the beginning of a way to get to where you need to go.</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">The internet, as I’ve said, is a great resource for what and how and where.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">For things, and for people.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Please, don’t get me wrong.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">There is good support to be found on the internet.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You can make friends through the internet.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">But you make friends with in the same way you make any other friend.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You get to know each other, there is give and take, you learn to trust each other.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You know how it works.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Is that going to happen easily, though, on a website where hundreds of messages are posted daily?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Read what you’re seeing with a critical eye; think about why a person is telling you what they are saying, if you don’t know them at all?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You’ll have to find the support, it won’t just come to you.</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">The internet can answer a lot of questions.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">But there’s one that it never will be able to answer.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Why.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Because it can’t.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Why do you feel how you feel?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I don’t know.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I wish I could tell you, but only you can answer that.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Don’t let anyone else try to tell you how you feel, either.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Your feelings are <i style="">your</i> feelings.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They are not anyone else’s.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They are important to you; they are a big part of you!</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They help make you who you are.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Let’s get one big question out there; if you’ve read this far, something I’ve said has made an impression.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Who is the best person to decide what is right for you?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You are.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Work with the people around you.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I know, I really do know, how hard it is to say anything to anyone.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">If you’ve gotten to where you’re reading this post, you probably have to talk to someone.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Those people are there for you.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You have your friends, your family, and the people you work with.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">There is someone out there who you trust more than anyone else.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They are there for you.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">And there are the people you don’t even know yet.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Do you have a therapist?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Do you need one?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">What about other people like you?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They must be out there; you’ve seen them on TV, on the internet, you’ve read about them.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They’re there.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">If you don’t know where to turn, check the phone listings for “First Call for Help,” or something similar, for your state.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I know my own state, Minnesota, has several such numbers to call, and so do the surrounding ones.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You don’t even have to tell them your name.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You can block your caller ID, too, if it makes you more comfortable.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">But they know where the therapists are, they know about support groups, they have resources at their disposal that you don’t even know about.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">They are there for you.</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">So, what am I saying with all of this?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Well, in my opinion, the best support you can find is with real people.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">You’ll make new friends, always a good thing, you’ll find people with things in common, and you’ll begin to learn new things about yourself.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Maybe, just maybe, you’ll see where you’re headed.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I think, if you do work with good, real people, and not with strangers on the internet, it’s a pretty good bet that you’ll find your way.</span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">But only you know what’s best for you.</span></p>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-37914766990419431302010-09-29T11:17:00.000-07:002010-09-29T11:43:49.561-07:00The View From One Year<p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span>So, here I am, one year later.</span><span> </span><span>One year from the big day.</span><span> </span><span>How has it been?</span><span> </span><span>Do you feel any different?</span><span> </span><span>Was it worth it?</span><span> </span><span>Are you happy now?</span><span> </span><span>These are some, but by no means all, of the questions that I’ve been asked in the last 365-odd days.</span><span> </span><span>Anniversaries have a way of making a person reflective, contemplative, able to see things with a new perspective, or through the lens of experience.</span><span> </span><span>Some of the questions are easy to answer, and some are not.</span><span> </span><span>And some defy answering at all!</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Well, it’s easy to pick one to start with: how do I feel?<span style=""> </span>I feel good!<span style=""> </span>This has been a year like no other, that’s for sure.<span style=""> </span>I set a goal for myself, a major goal, and I succeeded at it.<span style=""> </span>It’s not necessarily the goal you were thinking, either.<span style=""> </span>I’ll be coming back to that.<span style=""> </span>I’m in a good place right now, and it’s simply because I’m just living the life the way I had dreamed of for so long.<span style=""> </span>The craziness of the “transitional” years is behind me, and I can set my own requirements for what needs to be done, where I’m going is up to me.<span style=""> </span>It’s a great feeling to be once again on my own terms.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;">There’s a large set of conditions that have to be met in order to qualify for Gender Reassignment Surgery (or GRS).<span style=""> </span>Most of them can’t be met in a few days or a week, and a lot of time is occupied by fulfilling those.<span style=""> </span>Not to mention legal issues, insurance questions and foul-ups, appointments to get to, and many other things.<span style=""> </span>All of that is at an end!<span style=""> </span>Everything is back in my own hands.<span style=""> </span>I have felt a great sense of relief for quite a while now, just because of the simple fact that I’m through with that.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;">But is it different?<span style=""> </span>Yes, of course it is.<span style=""> </span>As I said, I’m living the way I’ve dreamed, finally.<span style=""> </span>One’s self-esteem can’t help but get a large boost from that.<span style=""> </span>Being able to do that, especially after hating the way things were for so long, does wonders for your emotions.<span style=""> </span>It really is different!<span style=""> </span>My outlook on life has improved so much, and I can’t imagine, sometimes, why I didn’t do this before I did.<span style=""> </span>You’ve no idea, unless you’ve been where I’ve been yourself, what this does for you.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;">I think you can tell that it was worth it, too.<span style=""> </span>Obviously, from what I’ve already said, it was.<span style=""> </span>And I would definitely do it all again, if I had to.<span style=""> </span>(Please, though, don’t make me.)<span style=""> </span>Everyone has something they want to change about themselves.<span style=""> </span>Some people have huge things, others have minor ones.<span style=""> </span>I believe I can say that you will find doing something about those things is worth the effort.<span style=""> </span>For most of you, it won’t take a huge effort, or it won’t seem like a huge effort once it’s done.<span style=""> </span>For me, the thing that required the most will to do was actually deciding to go ahead and do it.<span style=""> </span>It’s like the pebble that starts the avalanche.<span style=""> </span>Once you’ve decided, you’re doing what you wanted to do, and what’s difficult about that?<span style=""> </span>It’s getting over what holds you back that makes reaching what you want so difficult.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;">That goal I mentioned?<span style=""> </span>Well, yes, at first it was this surgery that happened one year ago.<span style=""> </span>In getting there, however, I realized that I’d already met my goal.<span style=""> </span>The major one, anyway.<span style=""> </span>I was already doing what I wanted to be doing, and that’s living my life, and showing the world, how it should be.<span style=""> </span>It’s hard to see that, sometimes.<span style=""> </span>Especially when you’re not done with what you set out to do!<span style=""> </span>The surgery was the icing on the cake.<span style=""> </span>It completed how I wanted my body.<span style=""> </span>Again, another boost to the self-esteem.<span style=""> </span>The real difference, though, had already been made, and it was in my head.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Don’t get me wrong, the whole experience in Colorado was huge.<span style=""> </span>In a way, it was sort of a confirmation of everything I had done before.<span style=""> </span>I remember everything in vivid detail.<span style=""> </span>For most observers, that’s the defining moment.<span style=""> </span>In some ways, they’re correct.<span style=""> </span>It does mark an end to the major changes that have been made.<span style=""> </span>It’s the end of the line.<span style=""> </span>But, and it’s a big but, it doesn’t make a difference to the person you already are.<span style=""> </span>The biggest changes happen inside your head.<span style=""> </span>I’m going to address myself to those in line for, and those that are considering, this procedure. <span style=""> </span>You, the person that you are, are not going to change when you have this done.<span style=""> </span>If you don’t like who you are, the person that you’ve become in the time leading up to it, then GRS won’t change that.<span style=""> </span>GRS is not a magic wand that will “cure” you.<span style=""> </span>What is commonly called a “sex change” addresses the whole person, and not just your anatomy.<span style=""> </span>You will be changing much more than that, and you can’t have one without the other.<span style=""> </span>You’re not going to be a better person simply by having your genitals rearranged.<span style=""> </span>I can’t stress that enough.<span style=""> </span>Take your time, work on who you are, be the person you’ve always wanted to be, first.<span style=""> </span>You’ll know when you’re ready, believe me.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;">If, on the other hand, you <i style="">do</i> like who you are, and where you are, and what you are, then you will feel all the better when you go through with it.<span style=""> </span>I am genuinely happy that I did have GRS done.<span style=""> </span>It gives me a sense of completeness, of correctness, and comfort in my body that cannot be matched by anything else.<span style=""> </span>It really is the icing on the cake!<span style=""> </span>I’m much the better person now, inside <b style=""><i style="">and</i></b> out.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;">It was a wonderful experience, and I met some truly great people while I was there.<span style=""> </span>I also met one person that did not live up to expectations, but the others are the ones I remember.<span style=""> </span>I would like to thank Andrea, Karla, Robin, Janet, and Ann for making all of my experience a remarkable and truly memorable one.<span style=""> </span>They’re just the people that I met there.<span style=""> </span>My sister and my mother were there with me, too.<span style=""> </span>I wouldn’t have wanted to be there without them. <span style=""> </span>They all made what would have been a procedure that would have helped me be at peace with myself, become a special life-changing event. <span style=""> </span>I can never thank them enough!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;">So, am I happy? Why, yes. Yes I am.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span></p>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-28361980397587691532010-05-08T17:25:00.000-07:002010-09-29T11:08:11.989-07:00To My Mother, on Mothers' Day<span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >Dear Mom,<br /><br />There are no words to properly express the love, admiration, care, and all the other feelings I have for you, or the depths to which those feelings reach. But I'm going to give it a try, and hope that what I write can give you some idea of how I feel.<br /><br />One day out of a year does not give us enough time to honor our mothers; every one of us has one, and I don't think we think enough about what ours did for each of us. Who was the person most responsible for who we are today? Who was the one that taught you the most basic things in life? Who showed you what really matters; not what you can learn from a book, or a teacher, or your friends? Who was always providing a living example of how to be, act, express yourself, and live?<br /><br />Your mother was, of course. Every mother does these things, whether they know it or not. Oh, some aren't very good, of course; some fail spectacularly. There are plenty of examples of that in this world. Most moms, we know, are very, very good at what they do. And chances are that being a mother is not all that they do. That they are able to be mothers, along with their being wives, teachers, friends, athletes, CEOs, and everything else, not to mention combinations of all these things, is nothing short of miraculous! But they </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >do,</span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" > and they do it so well, you don't even realize it. How many of us take it for granted what mom did for us, and still does for us? Even for those of us whose mothers are gone, she's still with you, with the memories and examples she gave us; she gave you those intangible things so that you would know what to do even when she was no longer there.<br /><br />How I see mothers is, naturally, because of my own mom. My mom has been teaching me what I need to know since the day I was born. To this day, I still realize things that came from her, though I didn't know that until I thought about it. And it's true, I have taken her for granted at times. Foolishly, too, for there is no one else in this world that I shouldn't do so. There is no person in this world like you, Mom, and I'm so happy to have you that I don't know what I'd do without you.<br /><br />I've put my mom through so much in my lifetime. There were times in the past when we definitely did not see eye to eye, to say it nicely. I'm not going to go into those here; you know them, too, Mom, and I'm glad we're through and past them. But there's one period, quite recently, and it's been the defining time of my life up until now, that I'd like to go into further.<br /><br />Yes, it's that whole gender change thing. I don't know what went through your head when I first told you what was coming, although I do know I could have done that better. I know you were not happy, and angry. And sad. And hurt. And many other emotions and thoughts. In many ways, I let you down. It took a long time for you to get through what you were feeling. I knew this would affect us profoundly; after all, I wasn't doing this to only myself, but to every person I knew. I dreaded telling you. When I did, I knew that many people who go through what I did lose their parents forever. That didn't happen, though I don't know how close it came to being. Things were very shaky, at least that's how I saw it, for the better part of a year.<br /><br />But then, for Christmas, you gave me a necklace. A simple chain, with a silver heart hanging from it. No other gift you have given me has ever meant so much to me. It showed me that you still loved me, even after everything, and that while you may not have been happy with where I was going, you could accept it. I have never loved you more than at that moment. Just thinking about it as I write it now, moves me to tears. I have rarely removed my necklace since that day; it means too much to me to not wear it, and show it, and be proud of it. For even though the people that see it may not know what it means (and I hope they do, now), I know, and you know. I always want your heart near my heart!<br /><br />Finally, being a parent now myself, I can only hope to live up to the example you gave to me. I have certainly had moments where I had to think fast, and just relied on what I know you would do. I know it will only get more challenging as my son gets older. How I face those challenges will be because of you. I can only hope to make you as proud of me as I am of you.<br /><br />I love you, Mom. I can't say it enough, or how much. But I thank you every day, not just Mothers' Day. And I wanted everyone to know that. Now the whole world can see it.<br /><br />And I just wanted you to know, too.</span>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-34682124520176253792010-02-10T16:17:00.000-08:002010-09-29T11:01:34.544-07:00Go Team Go<span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >So, the Super Bowl has come and gone. Another football season, full of rushes, passes, long marches down the field; bone-crushing tackles, swaggering narcissism, and head injuries. For the life of me, I don't understand pro football any more.</span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >But I used to enjoy it. (Caution: nostalgia ahead.) The game could be violent, yes, but it wasn't showcased. There was a certain grace and beauty to the game, which, while it hasn't been entirely lost, is well hidden these days, and only shines through on occasion. The rules were the same throughout the game, too. You didn't need to worry if there was less than two, or five, minutes on the clock, and if the player ran out of bounds before or after that. If the clock stopped, it started when the ball snapped. When the quarter ended, the back judge would pull out a gun (yes!) and fire it! Yes, they were blanks, but what a unique way to end a period. There was cold, and snow, and muddy fields. Players played and officials worked on Sunday, then returned to their jobs for the rest of the week. </span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >Things aren't the same.</span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >I do recall when players all weighed less than 300 pounds; William "Refrigerator" Perry was a novelty. The likelihood of a player suffering a career-ending injury didn't seem to loom over every play as it does now. Of course, there's a lot of difference between a fast moving linebacker that weighs 230 pounds and 275 pounds. It has to be that way, though, right? We need our 315 pound linemen because they have theirs, and they would crush us if we didn't have them. Certainly. Get that weight together with a high rate of speed, and things don't bounce when they collide; they break. I do not find it surprising, at all, that the rate of injury in the NFL is on the rise, especially head injuries. There seem to be some players that relish driving an opponent into the ground as hard as possible. The league definitely fines a lot of them; every week it's announced who gets fined for doing what to whom. Well, that's done a lot to put an end to it, hasn't it?</span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >These players want you to know what they just did, too. How many times, in just the last season, did you see a catch, run, tackle, or sack, followed by the player that just did it slapping his chest, pointing at the opponent, and/or doing a dippy dance? To unleash a really overbaked cliche, there is no "I" in team. They know that, these players. They don't care about that team. The team is a means to an end, for making themselves look good. Yes, we know, you think you're the greatest thing to ever appear on our television screens. Unfortunately, I don't care, once the teams line up for the next snap, that it was you. Think about the two teams that played in the Super Bowl this year. Aside from the quarterbacks, how many players on those teams could you name? </span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >There's a new breed of fan to go along with the violent, all-about-me game, though. They love it! They scream into the ever-present camera their love for their team, and whatever just happened on the field. They appear each week in their jerseys, faces painted, wearing strings of beads in the team colors. They have sunk hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars, into showing their support and loyalty to their team. The team made up of isolated, highly, highly compensated, players who just love this town, until their contract expires. But that doesn't matter! They're OUR team right now! Uh-huh. Until the owner decides he can make more money somewhere else, and moves your team. </span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >Do I sound sour? I am. Pro football seems to me to be more about showing who's boss by how hard you can hurt someone, and preening about it afterward. I am in the minority, however. More people than ever are living and dying by their teams' collective efforts to win, and love the big hits and "smashmouth football" (thanks John Madden, for another weird term). The players and owners want you to think they do it for you, the fans. They do it for the money. The owner pays the best players he can get, so they can win, and winning brings more people in to the games and buying more merchandise. The players want to win because of those bonuses in their contracts, and to get one of those rings, the ultimate "look what I did" symbol. </span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >I realize this is how all pro sports work. Football reminds me of these facts far more often than the others, although pro basketball comes in a close second. Major League Baseball, for all it's faults, makes an effort (except for the Yankees, and everyone hates them anyway) to make those players available to the public. Our local team recently held TwinsFest, where every single player on the roster was there at least two of the three days. They weren't constantly available, but they would rotate around. You could wait in line if you wanted to, and pay for an autograph if you liked. If you knew how to find them (an open secret, at best) when they weren't at the "autograph stations," they were still happy to chat briefly, or take a picture with the kids. They had even set up appearances in the "Kids zone," where only kids were able to ask questions of the players there. Once the season begins, they're still out and about on off days, showing up at restaurants, or during the time school and baseball overlap, dropping in on schools. It's much easier to connect with a baseball player than a football player, it seems, and I think baseball is much the better for it.</span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >Let me end with a suggestion for you. If you like sports, check out your local high schools. Here you will find students playing the sports that they love, and doing it for that reason, their love for the game. Except for a very special few, this is the last team that they will play with, in an organized league. They play for their school; their fellow students know them, and they cheer for these players because hey, those are our guys! Sometimes, if you're lucky, you will get a glimpse of someone that is a phenomenon, and you wait for the day when they've "made it big." This is where all those pros begin, and where most of the careers end. I used to think those tears you'd see, when the championship game ended on the losing team's faces, were because they lost the big game. They shouldn't be so upset, look at all they did just to get there! I know why now. This was the last time they just played the game they loved. There will never be another time for them. </span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: lucida grande;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >I've been lucky enough, for the last 21 years, to be my former high school's "Official Timer," to quote the rule book, for boys and girls basketball. There I've seen more than 1,000 games, and there have been some spectacular ones. A pro basketball game, which goes three overtimes, seen from your TV, is fun to watch. I can tell you from experience, a high-school basketball game, which goes three overtimes, in the high-school's gym, surrounded by 2,000 fans, most of whom are connected to the teams in the game, is an experience! You owe it to yourself to be a part of a game where the players love what they're doing, and with all the passion of knowing that, for most of them, their time is limited. You don't find that sort of game with the pros!</span>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-6303414051771462572010-01-20T00:00:00.000-08:002010-01-20T14:16:38.875-08:00Transsexual Advice<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <w:dontvertaligncellwithsp/> 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margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --></style><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hi! This post is for an intended audience, as the title implies. If the subject does not appeal to you, or if you'd rather read about something else, I invite you to stand over in the corner here, mill about, and talk with each other about the latest celebrity gossip. I do have another entry I'm planning to post shortly.</span><br /><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing" ><br />So, what I'd like to do is present some thoughts, ideas, and experiences from the last three years, relating to being transsexual. I think it's a good time to do so, having recently recovered from GRS surgery and finishing the "transition," as it's called, for all intents and purposes. More than anything, I'd like this to be advice to the person considering the process, or just starting out. Without further ado, then, my advice to transsexuals like myself.<br /><br />Welcome! You're just beginning a trip down a long and winding road. Or perhaps you're already some distance down the road, and don't know where to turn, or need some support for your decisions. I'm here today to talk about my ideas and what I've learned while traveling down that same road. Now, some of them you may not agree with; you may think I'm a foolish dimwit full of delusions by the time I'm done. That may be. Hear me out, and bear with me. You'll see where it all leads in the end.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">1.<span style=""> </span>Be absolutely sure.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">I’m certain that you’re sure about where you want to go right now.<span style=""> </span>And who wouldn’t be!<span style=""> </span>It’s taken a long time to get to this point, where you’re going to go ahead and make this change, and you’re ready, and ready now!</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /><span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">So wait a minute.<span style=""> </span>It’s taken plenty of time to get here; a little bit longer won’t ultimately make a difference in the end.<span style=""> </span>This is going to affect the rest of your life, in ways you can’t even imagine.<span style=""> </span>You know what you want, and that’s great; the question is, can you do it?<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">If you can answer yes, good!<span style=""> </span>Get started; begin learning about all the things you have to do, if you haven’t already.<span style=""> </span>There will be many more opportunities to answer the question of “Am I sure?”<span style=""> </span>Always remember to ask yourself that question occasionally; there will be time to get out before you reach the Day of Reckoning, as I call it.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">If you can’t be certain, or say no, then don’t worry.<span style=""> </span>This may not be the right time, or there might be another way to do some of the things you need.<span style=""> </span>You can always come back to this at another time and ask the question again.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">Either way, though, you’re going to need help.<span style=""> </span>That’s my next point:</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p face="georgia" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p face="times new roman" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">2.<span style=""> </span>Find a good therapist.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing" ><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing" >Hopefully, you already have.<span style=""> </span>If you haven’t, then find one that lists “transgender” in their interests or specialties.<span style=""> </span>Every state has an association for psychological professionals, and they will be happy to help you find someone to help you.<span style=""> </span>If you already have a therapist, then this is the time to bring up the issue, if you already haven’t done so.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing" face="georgia"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing" face="georgia"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing" face="georgia">Don’t be nervous! Your therapist is there to help you, not the other way around.<span style=""> </span>This is all new and different to you, but they have heard this before.<span style=""> </span>They know what they’re doing.<span style=""> </span>Chances are you’ll be referred to another, more specialized person.<span style=""> </span>This is a good thing.<span style=""> </span>You’ll have a fresh start, with your gender issues front and center.<span style=""> </span>Now you can get to work on this thing.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing" face="georgia"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing" face="georgia"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing" face="georgia">I’ve been tremendously lucky to work with five different people throughout the course of my transition.<span style=""> </span>They have been wonderful!<span style=""> </span>Each of them had a different perspective, and a way of looking at the problems and troubles I was having.<span style=""> </span>They knew when it was a good time to talk to another person, and look at things from 90 degrees away.<span style=""> </span>If you’re willing to share what you’re thinking, without worrying about “what will they think of me,” you can get a plan in place.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing" face="georgia"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;">Your therapist will know all the things you have to do, from a technical standpoint, to satisfy the requirements in the Standards of Care.<span style=""> </span>This is a daunting document, and is written for doctors and psychologists to lay out the ways to treat transsexual cases, among other things.<span style=""> </span>It gives the guidelines for administering hormones and recommendations for surgery, so if this is where you’re headed, you’ll be learning about them.<span style=""> </span>The full text can be found at this address, (<a href="http://www.wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf">http://www.wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf</a>), which is current at the time of this writing.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">Finally, your therapist (or therapists, but you’ll usually be most comfortable with one of them) may recommend group therapy, too.<span style=""> </span>I wholeheartedly agree.<span style=""> </span>You’ll meet others who have the same problems, but entirely different circumstances, or points of view.<span style=""> </span>This may be very uncomfortable at first; you’ve just started talking to someone about this professionally, and now you’re going to be dropped into a whole group of people that don’t even know you, and you’re expected to talk about this?<span style=""> </span>Relax.<span style=""> </span>The group was there before you were in it, and they’ll already be talking about some things from beforehand. <span style=""> </span>Listen to them.<span style=""> </span>Hear what they have to say.<span style=""> </span>Before you know it, you’ll have a question about something, and you’ll ask it.<span style=""> </span>And you’re talking with them!<span style=""> </span>Soon enough, you’ll be an active member or your new group, and you’ll all be learning things from each other.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">Take advantage of all that therapists have to offer.<span style=""> </span>They are there to help you, and they’re very happy to do so!</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p face="times new roman" style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">3.<span style=""> </span>Telling people about your decision.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">This is never easy.<span style=""> </span>You’re about to tell people about what you’re about to do.<span style=""> </span>You’ve feared this from the beginning; if you’re like me, it’s one of the reasons you’ve waited so long, the fear of what people’s reactions will be.<span style=""> </span>But, there’s no getting around it, you have to let them know.<span style=""> </span>Oh, sure, you could let them know by just appearing in your new gender role to them and saying “Surprise!”<span style=""> </span>However, that’s <i style="">probably</i> not the best way to engender good will.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">Think about who you’re going to talk to in person.<span style=""> </span>These are the people you’re closest to in life.<span style=""> </span>Now, what do you do?<span style=""> </span>Once you have them in mind, tell one of them.<span style=""> </span>It sounds simple, right?<span style=""> </span>Well, try telling one of the people you’re pretty sure will react well when they first hear it.<span style=""> </span>That way, you’ve done it once!<span style=""> </span>I chose one of my cousins first.<span style=""> </span>It wasn’t easy to bring up the subject; so I said “Can I talk to you about something?”<span style=""> </span>It’s always a way to alert someone that something serious is coming.<span style=""> </span>It went well, too.<span style=""> </span>I was able to get the subject out in the open with someone (finally!), and it was so much easier to do again, once I had done it once.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="times new roman" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="times new roman" class="MsoNoSpacing">So now you can start to work your way up the ladder.<span style=""> </span>Let’s face it, not all of your reactions will be positive.<span style=""> </span>Some will be absolutely appalled.<span style=""> </span>If you’ve made it this far, though, you’re sure about your decision (you <i style="">are</i> sure, right?), and you’ll be able to, hopefully, explain your reasons.<span style=""> </span>If you can’t, or the reaction is vehemently negative, let them be for now.<span style=""> </span>You’ve been dealing with this for a long, long time.<span style=""> </span>This is the first time they’re hearing about it.<span style=""> </span>People’s reactions tend to be strong and emotional with such a subject.<span style=""> </span>They will need time.<span style=""> </span>However, you’ve chosen to tell these people first because you care about them and they care about you.<span style=""> </span>Let them have their time to sort out all the emotions that ran through them, and think about it for a while.<span style=""> </span>After some time, if you haven’t heard from them, try them again.<span style=""> </span>Most likely, they’re in a better mood to talk about it after they’ve had a chance to process what you’ve told them.<span style=""> </span>And they do care about you!</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="times new roman" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="times new roman" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="times new roman" class="MsoNoSpacing">Obviously, you can’t go around and have heart-to-heart discussions with each and every person you know.<span style=""> </span>Well, you could, but it would take a whole lot of time, and I’m guessing that you want to keep things moving along (you <i style="">are</i> sure, right?).<span style=""> </span>Then take the time to write a letter and mail it to each of the people you want to tell, but don’t need to speak to in depth, person-to-person about it.<span style=""> </span>No, do not send an E-mail.<span style=""> </span>This is serious personal business; treat it as such.<span style=""> </span>In the letter, explain your decision briefly, and provide a way for them to contact you.<span style=""> </span>You’ll be hearing from them shortly.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="times new roman" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="times new roman" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="times new roman" class="MsoNoSpacing">Sometimes, no matter what you do or say, some people are not going to like it.<span style=""> </span>It’s the reaction you feared.<span style=""> </span>The best thing, for you to do, is to let the person go.<span style=""> </span>If you’ve made every argument, said everything that you can say, then the ball is in their court. Just as it is your right to go ahead and do this, if they choose to be angry, and cut you out of your life, that is their right.<span style=""> </span>You may be responsible for bringing this reaction about, but how they react is their responsibility.<span style=""> </span>Be open and ready to listen, though.<span style=""> </span>People do change; the person you think hates you now may begin to think about you, and that they miss you, much later.<span style=""> </span>Always be willing to listen to what they have to say.</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="times new roman" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="times new roman" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;">You will, most likely, see two reactions from each person.<span style=""> </span>When you tell them, and when they see you for the first time.<span style=""> </span>The first time it’s abstract; they know something is coming, but it’s in the future.<span style=""> </span>The second time, they have to deal with it.<span style=""> </span>You’re going to get different reactions the second time around.<span style=""> </span>When you do, do your best to make them comfortable.<span style=""> </span>Be yourself; after all, you’re really not so different.<span style=""> </span>You’re the same person you were before, they just didn’t know all of you.<span style=""> </span>Show them that you really are still you.<span style=""> </span>Try to make your first appearance when you can do it with several people at once.<span style=""> </span>You can all do something together, something that’s familiar to all of you.<span style=""> </span>That helps put people at ease, they’ve been there before.<span style=""> </span>And if they see that you still are just as at ease as before, then you’ll go a long way to helping them see that’s it just you, the person they know and love.</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-family: georgia;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNoSpacing">4.<span style=""> </span>Bring your life along.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;">Keep your friends, and your family, too, in your life.<span style=""> </span>You don’t want to do this alone.<span style=""> </span>It’s a trying time, and it’s a long time from beginning to end.<span style=""> </span>They’re your friends, and they’ll be there for you.<span style=""> </span>They’ll know when something isn’t going right, or when you’re frustrated.<span style=""> </span>They know you best!<span style=""> </span>They care for and about you, just like you do about them.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;">That may seem obvious, and it is.<span style=""> </span>Too many people, however, decide that this is the beginning of a whole new life for them.<span style=""> </span>They have to cut the old life off, and begin again, with all new friends and a new occupation and workplace.<span style=""> </span>No one shall ever know of their previous life.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">This is my opinion: That’s just not possible.<span style=""> </span>Once you’ve begun your transitions, and you’re moving on with life, you’re going to leave traces behind.<span style=""> </span>There’s a legal trail, for a start.<span style=""> </span>That name change you get is public record.<span style=""> </span>Then you have to inform everyone that you’ve changed it.<span style=""> </span>You <i style="">will</i> forget to tell at least one, and probably many more, businesses, entities, and what have you, that you’ve changed your name.<span style=""> </span>Until something shows up in your mailbox with your old name on it.<span style=""> </span>You can change your birth certificate, too, with your new name and gender on it.<span style=""> </span>But there’s a record of that change being made.<span style=""> </span>There will be doctor bills.<span style=""> </span>There will be old phone books.<span style=""> </span>And there will be people that knew you previously.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">Would you really want to cast aside long, in some cases lifelong, friendships?<span style=""> </span>Your family?<span style=""> </span>All the people that care about you, that love you, simply to have a clean start?<span style=""> </span>Don’t get me wrong, it is a new beginning, in many ways.<span style=""> </span>But everything that made you who you are is your past.<span style=""> </span>You’ve lived in the real world, and will continue to do so.<span style=""> </span>Be open and honest about yourself.<span style=""> </span>You keep everything that was good about the past that way, and all the new people in your life will know the real you.<span style=""> </span>If you try to hide the past, break the history from the present, what will all of your new friends think of the trust they had in you when (not if, when) something from that past surfaces?</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-family: georgia;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-family: georgia;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNoSpacing">5.<span style=""> </span>Real Life.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">OK, so here you are, ready to face the world in your new gender.<span style=""> </span>You’re set!<span style=""> </span>You’ve got a great new look, some nice new clothes, and a terrific new attitude!<span style=""> </span>Open the front door, and head on out!</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">It’s fun!<span style=""> </span>It’s wonderful, really, you’re out, you’re living life the in the way you’ve dreamed.<span style=""> </span>You’ll find out there’s so much more to the world than you ever knew.<span style=""> </span>Live your life and enjoy it!<span style=""> </span>Yes, it really is simple.<span style=""> </span>This is what you’ve been waiting for.<span style=""> </span>It may take some practice at first, getting used to the things you need to do now, but it doesn’t take long.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">Of course, there will be problems.<span style=""> </span>You’re going to get looks.<span style=""> </span>You’re going to get rude people.<span style=""> </span>You’re going to get annoyed.<span style=""> </span>You knew this would happen, right?<span style=""> </span>These things are going to sound like clichés, and there’s a reason for that.<span style=""> </span>They are.<span style=""> </span>But they wouldn’t have become clichés if they weren’t true!</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">Don’t descend to anyone else’s level.<span style=""> </span>Look at all you’ve done to get here.<span style=""> </span>Look at what you’re doing right now.<span style=""> </span>You’re living life the way you’ve wanted to, all this time; you’ve denied yourself this for how long?<span style=""> </span>Chances are the person that’s offending you isn’t doing that.<span style=""> </span>They’re not living they way they’ve had in their hearts forever.<span style=""> </span><i style="">You are better than they are.</i><span style=""> </span>Smile at their nasty look.<span style=""> </span>Say something nice to the rude person.<span style=""> </span>Give them exactly the opposite of what they’re hoping to provoke.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">What if the rude person is standing in the way of something you need, though?<span style=""> </span>What if it’s your job?<span style=""> </span>What if you require something governmental, and they’re giving you trouble?<span style=""> </span>Stay calm.<span style=""> </span>I know you’re mad, you’re embarrassed, and you really would like to say something nasty back.<span style=""> </span>Don’t; you don’t need to.<span style=""> </span>Start by going over the person’s head.<span style=""> </span>Ask to see a manager or supervisor.<span style=""> </span>If they won’t, leave and immediately call and ask for that person’s supervisor.<span style=""> </span>Treat the workplace the same way.<span style=""> </span>If you have to, take it higher.<span style=""> </span>If this is dealing with a business, either your workplace or a transaction, you will reach someone that has the business’s interests in mind: money.<span style=""> </span>And your money is as good as anyone else’s.<span style=""> </span>They want it.<span style=""> </span>Or if it’s work, they want the best efficiency to make money, and conflict at work certainly won’t help that!<span style=""> </span>You will be able to speak to someone that can make a difference for both of you.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">If it’s a government thing, then the law is usually on your side.<span style=""> </span>It may take jumping through some hoops, or some minimal lawyeriffic effort, but you can normally get things to go your way.<span style=""> </span>If it is a major issue, however, you’ll have to decide if it’s worth it to pursue.<span style=""> </span>Not just financially; is it worth your time, and the upset it may cause?<span style=""> </span>Sometimes, as always, life is going to hand you lemons.<span style=""> </span>Know when it’s time to make lemonade.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNoSpacing">In general, though, real life is just like it was before.<span style=""> </span>You still get up in the morning, get ready for the day, breakfast, go to work, have fun in the evening, pay the bills, go on vacation, and all the rest.<span style=""> </span>Except now it’s much better.<span style=""> </span>You can make it through the tough times, because you’ve been through the worst already.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">6.<span style=""> </span>Hormones.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">Hormones are nice, they do make the body do some wonderful things!<span style=""> </span>If you’ve gotten to the point where hormones are a real option, and not just a dream, then you know what they can do.<span style=""> </span>They’re not magic; you’ll get a big push in the right direction, though.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">However, this is where the Day of Reckoning comes.<span style=""> </span>Hormones will do things that are irreversible.<span style=""> </span>There will be no more children in your future, after not much time on hormones.<span style=""> </span>You’ve got one last chance.<span style=""> </span>YOU <i style="">ARE </i>SURE, AREN’T YOU?<span style=""> </span>Go over that question one last time.<span style=""> </span>Up until now, you have been able to go back to the way things were.<span style=""> </span>Once you begin, you don’t have much time to change your mind.<span style=""> </span>This is it, the point of no return.<span style=""> </span>You can still turn around and go back, but it won’t be the same as before any longer.<span style=""> </span>I’m not saying you shouldn’t, at all.<span style=""> </span>I can’t stress this enough, though.<span style=""> </span><b style="">Be certain.</b><span style=""> </span>If you are, then welcome aboard!<span style=""> </span>You’re moving along nicely!<span style=""> </span>And never think less of yourself if you can’t be certain right now.<span style=""> </span>This is, if not the biggest, one of the biggest decisions you’ll<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">ever make.<span style=""> </span>Do not be afraid to wait, and be sure this is the right thing for you.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-family: georgia;font-family:times new roman;" class="MsoNoSpacing">7.<span style=""> </span>Surgery.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">Take what I said above and multiply it by ten.<span style=""> </span>Then do that again.<span style=""> </span>Surgery is the last step in the chain, but it’s also the hardest on your body.<span style=""> </span>Make sure that not only are you certain that it’s the right thing for you, but that you know the possibilities and limitations, as well.<span style=""> </span>Again, this isn’t magic.<span style=""> </span>There’s a lot to learn about it.<span style=""> </span>Fortunately, if you’ve reached the point of making this decision, information isn’t very hard to come by.<span style=""> </span>Your therapist knows the available surgeons and options, and all of the surgeons and their staffs are more than willing to talk to you about it, too.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">Surgery is also expensive.<span style=""> </span>If you’re contemplating it, start saving for it now, or find out if your medical insurance will cover it.<span style=""> </span>You may be surprised by your insurance carrier, if you have the right recommendations stating that it’s medically necessary.<span style=""> </span>Proper processing and paperwork for insurance may be a pain, but will be well worth it in the end.<span style=""> </span>Talk with the surgeons and see what options are available for payment.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">Financial arrangements often are what makes someone wait the longest to have their surgery done, but there is also the surgeon’s calendars to consider.<span style=""> </span>There is often a lengthy waiting list.<span style=""> </span>You’re going to have to wait, even once you’ve been cleared to have it done.<span style=""> </span>Use the time to think about what you’re going to do once it’s over.<span style=""> </span>You’ve spent a long time with this as a goal; what will you do afterwards?<span style=""> </span>Fulfilling a dream of a lifetime is a tremendous experience!<span style=""> </span>The thing is, now you no longer have that goal.<span style=""> </span>The day after I was released from the hospital, I sat on the couch, and was suddenly hit with a thought, “Well, what NOW?”<span style=""> </span>Even if you do know, and I did, you’re going to have an emotional letdown.<span style=""> </span>They’ve been building for so long, right up to this moment, and boom!<span style=""> </span>It’s done!<span style=""> </span>It’s not a bad thing.<span style=""> </span>Once you think about it a bit, it all makes sense.<span style=""> </span>Getting ready for this, for so long, takes a lot out of you!<span style=""> </span>Now that you’re into the recovery, everything begins to “recharge,” including your emotions.<span style=""> </span>It takes time to realize that it’s really all done, and that’s when I began to really, <i style="">really</i> feel good about myself!</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p face="times new roman" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">8.<span style=""> </span>Be true to yourself.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">This is what I think is the most important thing.<span style=""> </span>This is all about you.<span style=""> </span>No matter what, you’re the most important person walking down this road.<span style=""> </span>In a sense, you are alone.<span style=""> </span>No one else is going through what you are; you’re the one that’s dealing with it.<span style=""> </span>But you’re only alone in the sense that you’re the one that has to take the steps.<span style=""> </span>Everyone else in your life is here with you, but they can’t make you move your feet.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">So take time to listen to yourself.<span style=""> </span>Make sure that what you’re doing, and how you’re doing it, is right for you.<span style=""> </span>You’ve taken the time to read what I have to say.<span style=""> </span>Does that make it right for you?<span style=""> </span>No, not because I say it is.<span style=""> </span>What I’ve said is true for me, and for the people that have helped me get where I am today.<span style=""> </span>That may not be what works for you.<span style=""> </span>Certainly not all of it will.<span style=""> </span>I hope that some of what I said will make an impression, and maybe you’ll learn from it.<span style=""> </span>There are a bunch of other websites out there, too.<span style=""> </span>Some are first-rate, some are ho-hum, and some are lousy.<span style=""> </span>I’ll bet my lunch that our opinions will differ on which is which.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">You’ll have people that will tell you that it’s your responsibility, now, to be an “ambassador,” or a representative of the transgender community, and other things of that sort.<span style=""> </span>Again, if that’s not for you, then don’t do it.<span style=""> </span>This is an intimately personal, life-changing, gut-wrenching experience.<span style=""> </span>The degree of which you share it is also intimately personal.<span style=""> </span>Be You!<span style=""> </span>Never let yourself be forced into taking a path that doesn’t feel right for you.<span style=""> </span>You made this decision for yourself.<span style=""> </span>Keep it about yourself, and you’ll be the happiest.<span style=""> </span>If it’s time to leave behind the TG world once you’ve been through all this, then I salute you, and wish you the best future you can have!<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">Ultimately, I’m so much happier than I was before.<span style=""> </span>The changes in my confidence, my well-being, self esteem, and how I interact with the world are astonishing to me, so much more so than I ever had thought possible!<span style=""> </span>This essay is just me being me, and it’s my hope that you’ll find time, once you’ve reached your destination, wherever that may be, to make some sort of record.<span style=""> </span>Be it advice, or a poem, a song, or a book.<span style=""> </span>If not, that’s certainly all right, too.<span style=""> </span>Everything, from beginning to end, is all up to you!</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNoSpacing">Oh, one last thing: You <i style="">are</i> sure, right?</p><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-12710160296859098062010-01-09T10:40:00.000-08:002010-09-29T11:02:28.155-07:00What's the Message?<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">Advertising is, by it's nature, getting you to do something you wouldn't have done without its help. I wouldn't own a Snuggie, nor have given them as gifts, if it wasn't for advertising. Would you know about the great deal on Coke this weekend at the grocery store, if you didn't have the flyer from the newspaper? How would you know who the candidates in that upcoming election are, and what's wrong with their opponent, without commercials? Perhaps that's taking things a bit far. Nevertheless, it's all about getting you the information you need to choose to do what they would like you to do.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">"As Seen On TV!" may not carry the cachet it once did, since there are so many other ways to get your message out, but it's still one of the most powerful mediums available. Think of the sheer number of products you've heard about on your television. The message can last forever, long past the actual product's lifetime. "It slices, it dices!" Thank you, Ginsu knife! Then there are the items that you remember because of the pitchman, and how well he does his job. Billy Mays sold millions of products, simply by doing a fantastic presentation in a short time. OxiClean, OrangeGlo, Mighty Putty (and many, many more!) are all in use in lots of homes, thanks to him. And don't forget K-Tel. Why spend $20, $30, or more for all those different albums, when they've put together the best tracks of the year all on one platter, and for only $4.95? If you've been in range of a TV in your lifetime, you know how well the message gets through on TV.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">Of course, there are so many ways to mangle your message. For every "Everyone know's it's Slinky!" there is a Domino's Noid. Sprint's commercials with all the numbers are clever once, but they grow old quickly, and the only reason I remember Sprint is because their ads annoy me. But there's one product I have in mind that, at least for me, completely misses the mark, and makes me want to not only avoid their product, but convince others not to buy it either. Those of you who know me, you know what's coming. If you've watched a football game in the last sixteen weeks, you've definitely heard from them. I speak of Cialis.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">Cialis must be doing something right, since they keep making the ads. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what it is. You've got a nondescript couple doing either everyday things, or obviously special things, all the while shooting lurid glances at each other. They live on isolated cliffs, or in homes so uncluttered and large that they could start a basketball game in the entrance hall; perhaps they're so bored from being so far apart from themselves in the large house and isolated from others, they can't help acting this way when they see each other. Or maybe it's the Cialis. It must be, because the very same man</span></span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" > </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">that we've just seen acting all teenagerish is about to stop what he's doing and talk directly out of the TV at us. Wait, what? You're all Cialis-ed up, been making googly eyes at your wife, even went to the trouble of hauling two bathtubs up the cliff so they could each sit in one and hold hands in between them while admiring the view (</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >HUH?</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">), </span></span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >and</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >you're going to stop right now and tell us about the side effects? </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">So, we get what Cialis does, all right. Perhaps it's not the E.D. that's the trouble in the relationship, Mr. Creepy, but maybe it's the talking to the mysterious people right smack in the middle of your romantic moment that's causing the bedroom to be a bit cooler than the rest of the house!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">Augh! Thanks for letting me get that out. I obviously have no need for Cialis, so maybe I just don't get it. Even if I were to have a friend that needed some help, I'd tell him, "do what you have to do, but stay away from Cialis." Everything about those commercials just rubs me the wrong way. If ever an ad campaign failed to make a positive impression, it's this one.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">Now if Billy Mays had sold Cialis, I'd have bought several hundred dollars worth by now.</span></span>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-60819119858259518502010-01-04T19:32:00.001-08:002010-01-04T21:37:15.000-08:00Love and Loathing of LanguageI love the English language. I really do. There are so many ways to express yourself, always a word better than the one you actually use. The right phrase can make you look intelligent, be persuasive, express your creativity, and emphatically make your point. Conversely, you could use the same language to lose your argument, or worse, leave the other person thinking, "Did she just say what I think she said?"<br /><br />Too often, certain "colorful metaphors," shall we say, get used as a substitute for creative thinking. Oh, they're certainly versatile words; our friend the "F-Bomb" can be used as every part of speech imaginable. But it just doesn't stand out from the crowd anymore. Why, instead of saying "That f***er just f***ed up the whole f***ing thing," you could say "That moron completely wasted our time, and now we've got a calamity to deal with!" See? It's easy, and fun! Calamity is a wonderful word; it brings to mind stagecoaches running out of control, or a raging wildfire bearing down on a colorful mountain village. Doesn't that make your point much better than the old standby? You're certainly welcome to use the F-ing word, but it's not nearly as memorable as your own unique phrase.<br /><br />However, there are some phrases that just make people's skin crawl. There are different ones for different people, but they annoy to no end. Most of the time, you have no idea until it's too late. So I'll gladly share a few of my peeves right now, to avoid awkward situations later:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"At risk." </span>You've heard it. Most likely, it was "at risk children," or along those lines. At risk of what? Lightning strikes? Unruly hair? Please, we need details!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"At the end of the day."</span> At the end of the day, the sun goes down, and people go to sleep. Most of us aren't comparing notes to figure out who does the worst job. Unless you're the type of person who says "At the end of the day, who had the best score?"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"On lockdown."</span> It'll lead the news: "Roberts Middle School was on lockdown today, when a suspicious bag appeared in the hallway outside room 105. The bag was later determined to contain Justin Lemon's lunch, after it was detonated by the bomb squad." No, it was <span style="font-style: italic;">locked down</span>, it's simple grammar! (Don't get me started on grammar. That's a whole new post.)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"It is what it is."</span> Yup. It sure is. But what is it?<br /><br />Now I'm curious, too. What are your favorite words and phrases to work into your conversations? Or make you want to cause a calamity? Comment below!Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7485027907414953297.post-81940129366913626992010-01-03T13:30:00.000-08:002010-01-03T13:50:43.233-08:00Welcome to My Blog!Welcome to Jennifer's Spot on the web! It's my very first post to my very own blog, and I'm not quite sure where I'll be going with this yet. This will be a place where you'll be able to read about what's going on with me, what I'm thinking, my opinions about things, and stuff along those lines. Yes, it's all about me. But I hope it won't be for long. You'll be a part of it, too, with your comments. I hope we'll have some conversations with the comments, and everyone will get to know each other better. I'd like this to be about things that are cultural (and you'll probably see my sarcastic side when I hit those topics), experiential (mine or yours), and trying to keep one's life together in this world. I would definitely not like to veer into the three things never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin. I realize that sometimes that's inevitable, and who can tell where I'll go from here, but I don't plan to go there right now.<br /><br />So what is there to know about me? Here are some basic facts, in case you're dropping in for the first time, and would find it handy to know. I live in Shakopee, Minnesota, am 37 years old, transsexual, a parent of one wonderful son, and like many kinds of music, don't like much of what's programmed on TV as of late (excepting <span style="font-style: italic;">The Amazing Race</span>), do enjoy gaming if it was published before 1990, or doesn't require a controller with eight buttons and three thumbpads. I can be found many evenings operating the scoreboards for my old high school for volleyball and girls' and boys' basketball. If I'm not busy with that, you'll find me reading, or messing about with the internets, following the Minnesota Twins, or trying not to care about the current NFL season.<br /><br />That's a good start, I think. If you're interested, please do click on my subscribe button to learn when I've published again. This should be fun!Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06779289389024009574noreply@blogger.com2